The 616 Diaries: Entry 3 by Kevin Kauffmann
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September 2nd, 2019, 12:09 PM

I’m posting this one from work because, well, why not? Jim isn’t exactly keeping tabs on me or anything, and I really only have about two hours of real work a day. Figured he couldn’t watch me since he and everybody else is at lunch right now; I think they went to one of those Americana restaurants. You know, like the TGIFs and the Ruby Tuesdays.

You been to one, you’ve been to ‘em all. I’ll pass.

Sorry if this post seems kinda ornery, I think I’m just down in the dumps a little bit because I actually haven’t been seeing 616 too often since the last post. It seemed nuts how it showed up so often the last time, but, well, I think I’ve only seen it four times since then? At most it’s like once a day, and it kinda bugs me when I don’t see it anymore. I thought it was this new, flashy thing to get excited about, but maybe it is just random chance and I’m not special.

Though, I mean, I should have figured out I wasn’t special the day I became an accountant.

But it still is happening. I saw it on a cereal box this morning, yesterday it was in one of my spreadsheets. It just doesn’t seem like it’s happening as often anymore, like it was just one of those flukes. I told Andrew about it when we were playing some games the other day, and he just shrugged it off. Told me that if the number is actually following me, it’ll make itself known. Even gave one of those crooked smiles that never looked good on his face, since he’s always been a fat kid and he just ended up a fat adult.

I have no ground to stand on with that, though. I haven’t exactly been in my ideal weight range since I was in college. Years of laziness, games and numbers; that’s my excuse. Andrew just has the first two.

Hell, since I haven’t had many sightings to talk about, I may as well tell you about him. He seems to be the only one who supports my foolish quest to document my devilish digits. Also, my alliteration.

Okay, he doesn’t support the alliteration, but give me room to experiment, damnit! This blog is art, I tell you.

But yeah, Andrew is pretty much my best friend, and we’ve known each other since college. I feel like at some point we were social creatures who had the skills to talk to people and go to bars and have fun, but we kinda nurtured each other’s aspirations for becoming hermits. As soon as we started playing MMOs together, it was just over.

Oh, for the non-gaming crowd, MMOs are Massively Multiplayer Online games. Usually they’re RPGs with all kinds of stuff to customize and improve, to try to get more monthly fees out of your already-strained bank account. They’re fun, sometimes, but they’re usually just ways to get you addicted to paying them money. And… shit.

Sigh, I forgot I’m supposedly talking to regular people. RPGs are Role Playing Games, so it’s the stuff like World of Warcraft and Star Wars and Final Fantasy, which are probably the only ones you non-gamers have ever heard of. It’s okay, you’re new to this—just like I am for the blogging—but I think that should be all the things I need to define here.

ANYWAY, once Andrew and I started devoting three or four hours a night to farming minerals just to make our characters slightly better at taking damage, our social circles started shrinking faster and faster. I was lucky as shit that I met Renee before it disappeared completely, because I would have zero chance to find someone as great as her the way I am now. My sexual appeal is extinct, but luckily she got all attached to me before I turned into this bland, aging white dude who spends more time getting giddy about numbers and Doctor Who than football or even politics. I’ve heard those guys are real men, or something like that.

Andrew… Andrew wasn’t as lucky as me. There wasn’t a Renee for him. He’s had his fair share of flings and short relationships, but nothing’s ever stuck, and the quality of the women he meets is getting worse and worse. For a while it seemed like he was going to start settling and going for women below his already-acceptable standards, but then he just kinda… stopped trying.

I tried to talk to him about it a few times, but things got dark there for a little bit. He started talking about giving up, about just focusing on his own stuff, but he doesn’t… he doesn’t really have his own stuff. I certainly don’t, the most I have going for me is a blog about 616, but it’s something, and I have Renee, too. Without her, I’d probably be the same way, so I tried to argue that he should have someone just so he wouldn’t be alone. Being comfortable with someone goes a long way, at least for me.

Andrew told me he’d rather be alone than settle.

When he told me that, it all just sorta made sense. Andrew’s just the kind of guy who won’t bother to expend the energy for something he doesn’t want. I worry for him, I try to spend more time with him just so that he’s not lonely, but I think we both benefit from that. Yeah, I have Renee, but Andrew is the one who’s there for me no matter what, just like I’m the one who’s there for him no matter what. So even though he doesn’t have a girlfriend, he’s not alone, because he has me. And if—God forbid—Renee ever figures out that she’s too good for me and decides to raise her own standards, I know that Andrew will be right there to drink me under the table and forget my own misery.

I think that’s why he just laughs and encourages my 616 project. Pretty sure he thinks it’s stupid, but he’s giving me a pat on the back anyway. I’m sure he’ll make fun of me for it a few years down the road.

Wow, that kinda got serious there for a moment. Might even get in trouble with Andrew for saying all that, but, I mean, it’s true.

Here’s to hoping I see some more 616s soon to fill up this blog instead of talking about my boring life. I’m sure it’d be more interesting.




Just a little character development this time around, but you can dive right into the next one!!